August 25, 2011
Why writing is so hard, and how chocolate may help.

Two words: “ego depletion.”

No, I’m not talking about what happens when you check your Amazon ranking too often (don’t do that!). I’m referring to the stuff in this essay (adapted by John Tierney from his and Roy F. Baumeister’s forthcoming book, Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength). The focus here is on something called “decision fatigue”, the real physiological/neurological aspects involved in the decision-making process.

There’s a lot of fascinating research covered in the essay, which encompasses everything from judges deciding who to parole (and how if your case is up around tea-time, and the judge hasn’t had a snack, you’re screwed), to the brain-whipping effects of filling out a wedding registry, to why people in poverty are more likely to grab a candy bar from the impulse-buy section when checking out at the grocery store.

Basically–surprise!–we are limited in our ability to make carefully considered decisions. Our brains, making decisions big and small all day, eventually reach a point of surrender or collapse, where we are more likely to say OKAY WHATEVER I’M TIIIRED.

The article got me thinking about writing. What is writing if not a constant series of choices? Writing is decision-making. This word, not that word. This much detail, this emotional moment, this plot point. Though it may look like we’re just sitting on our asses doing nothing, we are engaged in a very taxing mental activity that calls on a “muscle” that can poop out just like your quads at the gym. Which explains why I (and a lot of other writers I know) find it difficult or impossible to work more than two or three hours a day before the law of diminishing returns kicks in. That number of hours is of course different for everyone, but it’s infinite for no one.

I liked this:

“Part of the resistance against making decisions comes from our fear of giving up options. The word ‘decide’ shares an etymological roots with ‘homicide,’ the Latin word ‘caedere,’ meaning ‘to cut down’ or ‘to kill,’ and that loss looms especially large when decision fatigue sets in.”

In other words: If “killing your darlings” or, less violently, “cutting,” is a necessary part of good writing, that gets harder to do as the work day wears on, and you are less likely to make good decisions, and more likely to spend ten minutes deleting that semi-colon, putting it back in, deleting it, putting it back in, etc. At that point, you might as well call it a day and go watch some Kitchen Nightmares.

Or, have a snack! The brain runs on glucose, and if your body is depleted, your ability to make decisions will be compromised. Research shows that eating gives a temporary boost to flagging decision-making capabilities. If you were at SCBWI-NY, you may recall that I suggested writing with your hand in a bowl of M&Ms wasn’t the best idea, and that solid nutritional habits are an asset to the writing life. Perhaps I spoke too soon.

Oh, wait!

“The problem is that what we identify as sugar doesn’t help as much over the course of the day as the steadier supply of glucose we would get from eating proteins and other more nutritious foods.”

I love it when science-y people tell me I’m right. But, yes, there is a physiological reason for that weirdly intense need for snacks while engaged in under-deadline revisions and longer than usual writing days.

This all goes back to my recent posts about the importance of taking care of yourself, thinking about what you say “yes” to, separating the real “have tos” from the imposters, and accepting limitations. If you feel, somehow, that you’re a slacker if you’re not writing six to eight hours a day, and that if you only had more willpower, you could just do it, science says you’re wrong.

Tierney writes that successful decision-makers “structure their lives so as to conserve willpower. They don’t schedule endless back-to-back meetings. They avoid temptations like all-you-can-eat buffets, and they establish habits that eliminate the mental effort of making choices… Instead of counting on willpower to remain robust all day, they conserve it so that it’s available for emergencies and important decisions.”

I add: Every page of good writing is the result of good decision-making. It’s real work. Do what you can to conserve that energy. Respect your brainz. Sustainability. Slow and steady wins it.

Speaking of resting, I wrote a bit more about my time off and what I’m doing for my brain and spirit, here at Good Letters.

Also, I’ve got a contribution to this LA Review of Books Blog appreciation of Charlotte’s Web.

See you back here next week!

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August 19, 2011
An Occasional Friday Five

(“Occasional” is one of those words I never spell correctly on the first try. And often not on the second try, neitha.)

A tiny break from the deep thoughts! Gotta save ‘em up for some other writing today and tomorrow. It’s Friday, after all, and people in publishing are only working half the day, Matt de la Pena is writing shirtless, and there’s a good chance an ice cream truck will drive by your house any second now. So let’s lighten things up a bit.

1. I was very pleased with the outcomes of MasterChef and So You Think You Can Dance. Yeah, I bet you thought that the Sara who wrote those last three posts wasn’t the type to spend six hours a week watching reality shows. Think again! As for MC, I know it’s popular to hate on Christian, but of all the contestants I found Suzy most odious. And: what do professional, working dancers think of SYTYCD? This NYT piece reveals all. (Or at least a few opinions.)

2. A German YA video blogger reviewed Zicke–the German version of Story of a Girl. Although I can’t understand what she’s saying (though I learned by commenting that she likes it!) this is one of my favorite videos of all time, because it makes real the amazing fact that PEOPLE IN OTHER COUNTRIES ARE READING MY BOOKS. IN THEIR OWN LANGUAGE. That is just cool, and I hope I’m never jaded enough to think otherwise.

3. If you missed it: a couple of weeks ago the NYT had a great piece by Tom Gilbert, on Madelyn Pugh Davis, one of the few female TV writers of ’50s. If you’re an I Love Lucy fan, especially, you must read it.

4. Speaking of inspiring female writers, my Aunt Betty Lou has always been an inspiration to me. It was at her farmhouse in rural North Carolina where I first sat at a typewriter and felt a strange restlessness I’d never felt before. Like, “I don’t just want to type something. I want to write something.” I knew that she did something mysterious at that typewriter. She wrote a number of children’s books, but dedicated her life to supporting my Uncle Ed and the work of the farm, raising a bunch of Rhodes Scholars, and being a wonderful aunt and grandmother. Now, a few of those books are available through Amazon’s Kindle publishing program. Congratulations, Aunt Betty Lou!

5. Randomly: I saw three popcorn movies this summer: Super 8, Cowboys & Aliens, and Rise of the Planet of the Apes. Though there were things I liked about all of them, APES WIN. One of the most satisfying H-wood movies I’ve seen in awhile. What was your favorite summer flick (big or small)?

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August 16, 2011
Pacing a Writing Life

I recently made this video blog (I somehow am incapable of using the word “vlog” naturally) for WriteOn Con, on pacing in contemporary YA fiction. It’s something I try to pay a lot of attention to when I’m writing and revising.

And I’m thinking about pacing in the writing life, too. How do you know when you need a break? And when you’re ready to get back to it? And what your expectations of yourself should be, generally, about how much you’re producing? Here’s how I knew I needed the break I’m currently wrapping up: I couldn’t stop crying for like a week. My tears weren’t just about writing, but that experience was a prettttty good tip-off that my needle was in the red zone. And, as per my last couple of posts, I’m learning to respect those symptoms.

Now, as I ease back into it (gently! don’t spook the animal!), I’m thinking about the pace of the scope of a book–the pace of a first draft, the pace of a workweek within that draft, of a day, of an hour. Where does useful productivity stop, and the law of diminishing returns kick in? How can I avoid Total Core Meltdown in the future by employing a more reasonable pace in my writing life?

I’m also thinking about the pace of a career. It’s amazing, when you think about it, the pace at which YA authors tend to work. I look at the lives and schedules of writer friends like Ally Carter and Lauren Myracle and I know if those schedules were mine, I’d have to be institutionalized. But I also understand the business, and all the moving pieces of keeping a healthy YA career going.

I’d like to somehow bring SUSTAINABILITY and PRACTICALITY and CREATIVE FULFILLMENT into a perfectly balanced trinity. Or, no,  I’m supposed to be working on banishing ideas of “perfect” from my expectations. So, I guess: a progressively more balanced trinity. I’d like to hit the sweet spot in there somewhere. The topics of my two previous posts: saying no, and respecting limitations, are part of working that out.

I’d love to hear what you do to bring better balance to your creative life.

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August 12, 2011
On a related note…recognizing limitations

So, in an indirect way, that last post was about limitations. We all have them. Recognizing them, for some of us (especially us perfectionists and achievers), is another story. And then, respecting them and submitting to them is the real challenge.

I haven’t updated you guys on my diabetes lately. I don’t like to be identified by that word – diabetic. It provokes assumptions that are usually wrong, it conjures up images that I don’t associate with  me and my life, and it sounds…limiting. Oh how we hate to be limited!

Anyway, I’ve struggled to keep control this year, though I have done everything I possibly can. Despite being right in the middle of “normal” BMI range, and taking excellent care of myself with diet and exercise and rest (most of the time, most of it, as much as I can as a human being), my numbers just haven’t done what they need to do for long-term health, what I thought I could make them do by being perfect. All of the time.

In recognition of my limitations and as part of my commitment to my health, I’ve taken some new steps. I got a new doctor whose communication style and approach to disease management is more like mine. We are doing a battery of new tests to try to figure out what’s going on with my body. I’m implementing some new stress-management stuff (which includes only being online a couple of times a week). And, right around this time yesterday, at my doctor’s office, I gave myself my first insulin injection.

There was a time, not long ago, I saw having to go on insulin as a failure and a judgment, not to mention “the beginning of the end.” Now, I can’t describe the happiness I felt as I watched that needle go in, surrendering to the need for some assistance, admitting that I can’t control everything. Accepting what I can’t change. Courage in changing what I can. (It didn’t hurt, by the way, and it worked like magic to bring my blood sugar exactly where I wanted it. But it did take courage.)

Maybe for you it’s something else. Quitting a “harmless” substance that other people can handle but you can’t. Starting antidepressants when you can’t self-talk your way out of despair anymore. Telling a boss or spouse that you’re at your limit. Pushing a book deadline out of insanity and into reality. Letting go of a relationship that’s bringing out your worst.

It’s okay to not be perfect, or to admit that there’s a gap between your best and what’s ideal. After the initial freakout, it’s very freeing to recognize and accept limitations, and then figure out how to move forward from there.

This, obviously, applies to writing as much as in any other area. Making this draft the best you can. Accepting the gap between your abilities and the ideal. Always striving to close it, of course, but knowing that even if you can’t right now, it’s still worth doing. You’re getting closer every time.

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August 9, 2011
You Don’t Have To

I just got back from a week in Santa Fe for the Glen Workshop. I did the retreat option, which means I wasn’t in a workshop. My intention, though, was to get a lot of work done. To basically do my usual work and routine, but from the beautiful setting of Santa Fe and the comfort of not having to cook or clean for a week.

The day before we left, I had a breakdown. Complete. I wasn’t looking forward to the trip! What? I wanted to crawl into a hole and hide. The prospect of having to do all my work and be away from the comforts at home seemed, in that anxiety-ridden moment, a stupid waste of money and time. I told my husband, “I don’t want to go.”

“Aren’t you looking forward to seeing your friends?”

“No.” (Sorry, friends. You know I changed my mind!)

Somewhere on the twelve-hour drive to Santa Fe on Sunday morning (yeah, we went, obvs), as the incredible landscape of southern Utah unfurled before me and the skies opened up, I had a dawning realization:

I don’t have to do anything this week.

There aren’t a lot of weeks when that is true. And this week it wasn’t totally – I did have one little deadline item. But other than that, there was nothing I’d planned to do that couldn’t be put off. Based on the way my cells sort of sang to me when I had that thought, I knew I just needed a total break.

I wound up having a very good time. It wasn’t super meaningful in the way that Glens often are for me. But I spent some good time with some friends I only get to see once a year, with my mother, and with myself and my relatively blank mind. Very few deep thoughts happened. Some, though. One I did have: There are a lot of things in my life that have somehow become “have to”s when in reality, they are not. A lot of things I make urgent that aren’t. I’m practicing saying to myself: You don’t have to. Try it – feels good! There might be some things that come back, Um, yes you do.

(There is a good chance I’ve posted something nearly exactly like this before, but you know how it is. The same issues come up in different ways at different times, and you need to say it again.)

I’m glad I had a break. I’m also very glad to be home, and focusing, once again, not necessarily on the details of my life but my experience of it. (A difference first articulated to me by my bestest friend, Mike, and a thought you may also recognize from my SCBWINY talk.) That changed experience has a lot to do with sorting out the real “have to”s from the imposter ones.

P.S. My latest Good Letters is up – a sort of reflection upon twenty-one years of marriage. Twenty-one! I will try not to let that make me feel old…

 

 

 

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