The two major headlines on yesterday’s front page were about the gulf coast oil spill and the failed Times Square car bomb. As I read both articles, I thought about how much energy and fear we’ve all invested in the war on terror/war against terror/whatever you choose to call it. By we I mean news media, politicians, and to various extents the American people. While I know that increased attention, surveillance, awareness, and military strategies have thwarted many actual threats, I also know that we spend way too much time giving in to fear and useless, free-floating anxieties that have no actual target and no permanent solution. Not just about terrorism, but about a lot of other things, too. As someone who regularly battles a general sense of dread and anxiety about things I have no control over, I speak from experience.
On the other hand, a lot of the news is about things that can be changed or prevented. Anxiety can be channeled and transformed into action. Then it’s not anxiety any more. It may become frustration if actions don’t have the desired effect or immediate effect, but at least it isn’t fear. I hate fear. And I hate how often I let it drive me, and I hate when I see it driving culture and politics and religion.
So, I try to think about the things I do have control over. There are a lot of things NOT on that list, mainly boiling down to Other People and Their Actions. Outside of that, there’s not a whole lot left besides my choices about what I say and don’t say, do and don’t do. I can’t even control what I feel or don’t feel, only how I react. Sometimes not even that. (But I can apologize later.)
To connect it to writing—sometimes I get paralyzed over publishing business stuff, ranging from the daily Books Are Dead news briefs to how much money someone else got or who is on the best seller list and do their books deserve it, to what people think of me and/or my books. These all fall under the category of Things I Cannot Change, clearly. Yet there are days I can be close to an anxiety attack over it all. Usually this means I’m not writing. It means I’m not caring. It means I’ve let fear in and let it make itself at home instead of escorting it out quickly and quietly. I’m lacking the courage to change the things I can.
Let’s face it—fear is easier than courage. Fear offers no resistance. It’s a black hole, a bottomless well, it’s always right there and handily accessible in never-ending supplies. You don’t even have to look for it—it throws itself at you, a needy, uninvited interloper. It’s loud and rude, while courage sits quietly and politely, waiting for you to call it forth. I’ve noticed this seems to be the case with all positive character traits; they’re quiet, they whisper, they wait. The negative ones are ready to party 24/7. I don’t know why this is but it is. For me, the only way to hear the good things is intentionally turn the lesser things down or off, and that takes some discipline. Asking myself: “Is this a thing I can change, or not change?” is a helpful place to start. If it’s the latter, I try to let it go. Sometimes I think the whole work of living is figuring out the difference between those things, and then acting accordingly.
When I started writing this I thought I’d come to some great, inspiring conclusion by the end, but I haven’t. Just that these are things I’m thinking about a lot lately. Every day when I wake up, the battle seems to be: Will I go forward in courage, or be crippled by fear? In life, in writing. Will I write? Will I have the courage to create something in the face of all this destruction? I guess that’s the inspiring conclusion—that no matter what I’ve thought the writing life is and would be for me, it often turns out to be a metaphor, a way for me to frame and understand everything else that matters.
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Great post Sara! When I was teaching I’d often tell my students to remember what they do and don’t have control over. Easier said than done, I know. I think just being aware of fear, and what we can actually contol (very little), goes a long way in how we interact with the rest of the world and how we view and treat ourselves. Thanks for bringing these ideas back to the surface for me.
Thich Nhat Hanh, in his book, Peace is Every Step, goes into simple but powerful detail on the concepts of fear and control, and mindful action in the modern world, among other things.
Thanks, Sara!
@Paul, Thanks for the comment, and the book rec!
Since you’re a girl who studies gospel-y stuff, I’ll go ahead and tell you that your post reminds me of Joshua 1:9 (“be strong and of a good courage”). It takes strength to be brave, and to step up to the things within your control. I agree that the easy way is to wallow in the fear of the possible, or even the likely.
Good thoughts (and I’m glad you didn’t have a conclusion, because sometimes, when a person has all the answers, it’s hard to believe they ever really asked the questions, you know?).
@Becca, Ah yes, there is a wealth of instructions and examples of “fear not” in the bible! And, I agree re: conclusions. I try to remember that whenever I’m writing, not just essay-ish stuff but fiction, too…
Thank you, Sara. I struggle with the same issues, both relating to world/family issues and writing, and I don’t always succeed. Sometimes fear and worry wins, and I *feel* it physically take over. It’s hard to fight when it gets to that point. But as I get older, most days I manage to worry less, enjoy more.
I try, anyway. Awareness and effort (and appreciation for what you have) are all you can do, really.
@Susan Adrian, Thanks for the comment – I can feel it physically, sometimes, too. On bad days it can take numerous pauses to re-orient to faith and courage instead of fear. That hasn’t quite become the habit I need it to be yet, though.
@Sara, It hasn’t become habit with me yet, either. It definitely takes work.
Worth it, though. On the days I manage to worry less not only do I feel better, but I can see the difference in everyone around me.
Excellent post, Sara. I love the image of fear in the front row, hand shooting to the ceiling, calling, “pick me! pick me!” while the other more admirable traits are hunched over quietly in the back row.
Incidentally, on one side of the “fear” sits “self-doubt” and on the other, “denial”.
Somewhere in the middle is “indigestion”, sitting right behind “despair”, but just in front of “lmao”.
Perhaps I am giving it too much thought.
@Brodi Ashton, Perhaps. :)
Your post reminds me of a quote I need to have posted really large on my wall-
God give me the courage to change what I can, the grace to accept what I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.
I think we all feel that stomach-twisting anxiety over things we can’t control. But we can’t let it control us in return. A very hard lesson to learn.
@Jaleta Clegg, Indeed. Of course I should have mentioned my whole thought process was based on Serenity Prayer!
Such a good and wise reminder. Merci!
Thoughtful and wise. Thanks, Sara
Thank you!
This moved me, Sara–the part about writing being a metaphor for everything else. I do that, too. Want to know why? I think because writing is the deepest, truest thing I’ve got; something of a prime mover of the soul, if you don’t mind the metaphorical overkill.
And it’s also the FRANKEST thing I’ve got. I’ve got nothing to hide behind with it. My habits, hopes, anxieties and fears all show themselves most clearly when I’m at the typewriter, and it’s often a gauge for me: Am I being still today? Am I allowing goodness to come through me?
@Mike Martin, Well-said.
Thanks for this. Really.
Thank you for posting this, Sara. It’s a great reminder to all of us, and not just those of us who write. I experience a lot of fear and anxiety about my work myself, yet somehow I manage to keep writing in spite of it. I’m so glad you do too!
@Helen Landalf, It always seems like a little miracle, somehow, when we can keep forging ahead…
Wow, Sara, you nailed this one. This post will stick with me for a long time to come. All I can say is, “Thank you!”, but it doesn’t seem like enough.
@Laurie Thompson, Hey Laurie – thanks for the comment. Glad the post resonated.
As I approach the “ready to send it out to agents” stage for my current book, my anxiety is going through the roof. I’m dreaming about delivering babies in the bathroom (I know, I know). I notice that the only time I don’t feel anxious is when I’m actually working on the book. Interesting…
@Amber Keyser, Ah, publishing anxiety dreams! Fun stuff. Yes – the answer always seems to be in the work.
Sara,
This post is as profound as your novels! I hate that I read it this late and hope that you still see my response. Why? Because you have NO IDEA how much I needed to read that. I follow a lot of authors, agents, and soon to be published authors on Twitter and a lot of times I find myself becoming discouraged and angry about these people catching a break and the fact that I am still struggling. I just started my querying and have gotten rejection after rejection. I am not sure if that is because I am going after the wrong market (I think my book is YA- my character is 18 and just graduated from high school) or if my writing is just not up to par yet. I do feel though that a lot of others who are getting agented and getting book deals are not that much better at writing than I am (I have read some of their works on blogs etc.) Anyway, reading this post made me realize I can’t change that—but I can change how I react to situations. When I get rejected, I need to think of what I can do to make it better- how can I fix my own actions and not focus on others? Thanks for the inspiring post and I am even more eager to finish reading Sweethearts. Btw Story of a Girl was one of the first YA books that I read and it made me fall in love with the genre and continue my own journey into writing contemporary and historical YA. Thanks!
Twitter- @KeeKeeHockaday
@Marquita Hockaday, It is never too late to comment! I’m so glad the post resonated with you. Thanks for the kind words re Story of a Girl, and best of luck with your writing.
Thank you for this post. I’m committing the 2nd-to-last paragraph to memory. Or I’ll print it. FDR was right, and so are you.
I need to remember it constantly, myself…
Hey, are you and fam going to TN un-reunion thing next weekend? Liz and I should be there. Hope to see you!